Recently my family has been struck with work place stress. In all incidents there seems to be one thing in common, that one co-worker whom decided for whatever reason that they are going to point out every little thing THEY feel is wrong with how you are doing YOUR job.
I feel that people get so caught up in right from wrong and proving their 'right' that they loose sight of the big picture. The big picture being we are all humans living and working in a struggling economy whom have families and personal problems. While at work we should focus on being kind to one another and not focus on the flaws. We as a society focus enough on "flaws," we should make it our mission to focus on the positive at work. Lets face it, nobody really loves being at work all the time so you might as well make it as enjoyable as possible.
I feel slapped in the face by billboards showing me I have the 'wrong body,' by magazines telling me how to loose weight, with liquor stores flashing adds of people having fun while gulping down liquor which sends a terrible message to our young people. If I were to be this 'perfect' being at 5"9' 120 pounds and happily intoxicated without gaining bloated tequila calories, I would only exist in fiction, which is really where these human beings only exist considering all the air brushing and photo shopping.
I am simply saying, please please please think before you say or do something related to pointing out a flaw in a co-worker. It isn't a good motivator, in fact the loved one I spoke with about this issue described feeling so deflated that he just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep. Maybe that "flaw" is only real in your mind, and maybe you are so focused on what they are doing because you don't want to focus on what you should be doing,.
Comments?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Bickering and holiday stress
My husband and I recently got into a fight over pancakes and smoothies. It was so silly, however, I found myself caught up in the "he needs to understand my point" and not truly listening to him. It was by no means a 'loving' conversation, but we are human.
My therapist told me a story about how her and her husband had a three day fight about toilet paper. What is it about these small "discussions" that sometimes feel worse than the big big fights??
After calming down and eating both pancakes and a smoothie (lovely compromise) we made fun of ourselves for having such a battle. This of course was hours after the bickering incident, but it still felt good to joke about it. Laughter is by far the best way to get through stress. The holiday season can be something awful for some so try and remember to laugh. Also, be big enough to step away from a communication break down and laugh a little.
What is truly important is being together with those who appreciate you and vice versa. Happy Holidays Blog readers and laugh a little....it's good for the bones ;)
Here is a little story I read in the book Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama
There were two brothers, one who was never satisfied and one who always seemed satisfied. On Christmas morning they got their presents, and the children were up in their room playing with them. The child who was never satisfied had a new computer and games and a little robot, but when his father asked if he was happy, he said, 'No. Now all the other children will be jealous of me, and then the batteries will die and I'll have to buy new batteries,' and on and on. "Now, the other little boy had gotten a load of horse manure for Christmas. When the father went to his room, he found him happily playing in it. His father said, 'Why are you so happy?' He replied, 'There must be a horse in here somewhere!'
The book goes on to explain how we (at first) choose to react cruelly or negatively to certain things in life, and the more we are negative minded, the more it becomes our regular thought pattern.
One of my suggested anecdotes for negative thinking is to be generous toward others without the intention of receiving anything in return except for feeling a little less negative. This week let us all try and be generous with our compliments, holding doors, being patient in long lines, and so on. A good challenge is try and go an entire day without saying anything judgmental, even if it's simply judging the 'dry' turkey at your aunt Sue's house. Just refrain from saying the negative judgmental saying and train your brain to be more thankful and less negative.
Cheers,
Jenny Korotko
LCPC, ATR
p.s. I know it has been a while since I blogged. There is a good reason for that.....more info to come soon ;)
My therapist told me a story about how her and her husband had a three day fight about toilet paper. What is it about these small "discussions" that sometimes feel worse than the big big fights??
After calming down and eating both pancakes and a smoothie (lovely compromise) we made fun of ourselves for having such a battle. This of course was hours after the bickering incident, but it still felt good to joke about it. Laughter is by far the best way to get through stress. The holiday season can be something awful for some so try and remember to laugh. Also, be big enough to step away from a communication break down and laugh a little.
What is truly important is being together with those who appreciate you and vice versa. Happy Holidays Blog readers and laugh a little....it's good for the bones ;)
Here is a little story I read in the book Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama
There were two brothers, one who was never satisfied and one who always seemed satisfied. On Christmas morning they got their presents, and the children were up in their room playing with them. The child who was never satisfied had a new computer and games and a little robot, but when his father asked if he was happy, he said, 'No. Now all the other children will be jealous of me, and then the batteries will die and I'll have to buy new batteries,' and on and on. "Now, the other little boy had gotten a load of horse manure for Christmas. When the father went to his room, he found him happily playing in it. His father said, 'Why are you so happy?' He replied, 'There must be a horse in here somewhere!'
The book goes on to explain how we (at first) choose to react cruelly or negatively to certain things in life, and the more we are negative minded, the more it becomes our regular thought pattern.
One of my suggested anecdotes for negative thinking is to be generous toward others without the intention of receiving anything in return except for feeling a little less negative. This week let us all try and be generous with our compliments, holding doors, being patient in long lines, and so on. A good challenge is try and go an entire day without saying anything judgmental, even if it's simply judging the 'dry' turkey at your aunt Sue's house. Just refrain from saying the negative judgmental saying and train your brain to be more thankful and less negative.
Cheers,
Jenny Korotko
LCPC, ATR
p.s. I know it has been a while since I blogged. There is a good reason for that.....more info to come soon ;)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sick of the judging
I constantly try to live my life without judgement. I am even careful about making judgmental statements or assumptions. I am not perfect, this process will be on going. I feel very strongly that a lot of mental illness issues are a result of a judgemental society. I feel very fortunate every time I learn from my 'clients,' especially the ones in inpatient psychiatric care. I learn the sad, complex stories that detail the steps which led the 'client' to such a setting. I also learn that people who view those on the street whom appear 'disheveled' and/or homeless with judgment are ignorant.
It is difficult to work in this field and have loved ones who cast judgmental nets all over things that confuse them. It can be confusing to see a 'drunk' begging for money or a woman screaming in the middle of the street. Instead of labeling 'drunk' or 'crazy' lets start asking questions and offering support. One way to offer support is by educating yourself on mental illness. Many times people with mental illness self medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. So it isn't as simple as they are "drunks" it is way more complex.
I often bite my tongue when I hear a loved one make judgemental statements but I think I am going to start challenging their judgements and beliefs. I owe my clients that. I owe my loved ones that opportunity to re-think their assumptions. I don't have much else to say except please start to educate yourself before you continue to just assume or judge. We all are guilty of judging others, lets try and do less starting now.
It is difficult to work in this field and have loved ones who cast judgmental nets all over things that confuse them. It can be confusing to see a 'drunk' begging for money or a woman screaming in the middle of the street. Instead of labeling 'drunk' or 'crazy' lets start asking questions and offering support. One way to offer support is by educating yourself on mental illness. Many times people with mental illness self medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. So it isn't as simple as they are "drunks" it is way more complex.
I often bite my tongue when I hear a loved one make judgemental statements but I think I am going to start challenging their judgements and beliefs. I owe my clients that. I owe my loved ones that opportunity to re-think their assumptions. I don't have much else to say except please start to educate yourself before you continue to just assume or judge. We all are guilty of judging others, lets try and do less starting now.
Friday, June 17, 2011
What I learned today
Even if your day was one of those 'just-like-every-other-day' days, it is still an interesting question to ask yourself "What did I learn today?" Kinda like checking in with a kid after school. So here are some brief descriptions about what I learned today after working my 3 day a week job as an art therapist/counselor in an inpatient psychiatric setting.
I learned that if you learn early on, due to abuse, how to fear adults you will likely live in fear for the rest of your life unless you get help. Fear can make people do and think abnormal things. I blame the adult that taught the child how to fear for what the child does as an adult. I hear a lot from friends and family that eventually people just need to "get over it" when discussing childhood problems. Sexual molestation, verbal abuse and physical abuse can lay some very permanent marks on the brain (or soul or both, whatever your beliefs are). I reject this "get over it" or "rub some dirt in it" advice and offer a solution, talking openly and lovingly within the family and, if that can't happen, then getting therapy. The more we "rub dirt" in the child abuse wounds the more infectious the wound becomes. I saw today an extremely paranoid, anxious individual who could have had a much much different life had the mom or dad believed when he/she said the abuse was happening.
I also learned today that we as a culture/society would benefit a great deal if along with STD's and the food pyramid talked openly (WITHOUT judgment) about mental illness in health classes within the schools. We need more open talk about these 'hushed' issues. I think everyone has had a family member or loved one suffer from a mental illness and if we just started talking about it without judgment, we could understand the importance of good mental health care.
I can honestly say that I feel burned out at times as a therapist, but, what keeps me going is learning from my clients.
Good night :)
Jenny
I learned that if you learn early on, due to abuse, how to fear adults you will likely live in fear for the rest of your life unless you get help. Fear can make people do and think abnormal things. I blame the adult that taught the child how to fear for what the child does as an adult. I hear a lot from friends and family that eventually people just need to "get over it" when discussing childhood problems. Sexual molestation, verbal abuse and physical abuse can lay some very permanent marks on the brain (or soul or both, whatever your beliefs are). I reject this "get over it" or "rub some dirt in it" advice and offer a solution, talking openly and lovingly within the family and, if that can't happen, then getting therapy. The more we "rub dirt" in the child abuse wounds the more infectious the wound becomes. I saw today an extremely paranoid, anxious individual who could have had a much much different life had the mom or dad believed when he/she said the abuse was happening.
I also learned today that we as a culture/society would benefit a great deal if along with STD's and the food pyramid talked openly (WITHOUT judgment) about mental illness in health classes within the schools. We need more open talk about these 'hushed' issues. I think everyone has had a family member or loved one suffer from a mental illness and if we just started talking about it without judgment, we could understand the importance of good mental health care.
I can honestly say that I feel burned out at times as a therapist, but, what keeps me going is learning from my clients.
Good night :)
Jenny
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Let's literally change your brain
In reviewing new and old books researching how negative thoughts emerge I find myself fascinated (yet again) with how we have the power to change our brains. In the book Destructive Emotions: How can we overcome them A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama it discusses how in the cases of depression and posttraumatic stress disorder the hippocampus actually shrinks. The theory is that if a person has an emotional disorder, then they have a problem in the hippocampus.
Trauma, major depression, stress are all things that can literally alter our brain. We have instincts we are born with that allow us to figure out (on our own) what it is we need to heal our brain after such times of stress. Unfortunately, some of us ignore our instincts to heal and slow down. Sometimes I get a headache and notice that it seems to come after I have been overworking my brain all day. Is this my body telling me to slow down? Maybe meditate? Pro-longed stress such as posttraumatic stress disorder can alter your brain and therefore (as the theory goes) make it more and more difficult to regulate emotions.
In the book Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society the suggestion that trauma results in a "de-differentiation of affect" or a loss of the ability to identify certain emotions that can help with choosing the appropriate response. The book continues to discuss how some with extreme stress have a difficult time creating "semantic constructs to identify somatic states" and this is related to individuals whom act aggressively toward self and others. In summary, trauma and or extreme stress can lead to "speechless terror" which disrupts the ability to describe feelings with words.
It is interesting 'brain stuff' research like these that continue to prove how necessary art therapy is when working with clients whom suffer from anxiety, depression and/or trauma. The generally non-verbal therapeutic approach is a safe way into both the 'story' and beginnings of emotional regulation. We can change the 'damage' done to our brains due to prolonged stress and/or depression. I say if you can't afford therapy to help you with this, take up a ceramics class, painting class or listen to music everyday :) Creative expression does an overworked brain wonders.
Take care,
Jenny
Trauma, major depression, stress are all things that can literally alter our brain. We have instincts we are born with that allow us to figure out (on our own) what it is we need to heal our brain after such times of stress. Unfortunately, some of us ignore our instincts to heal and slow down. Sometimes I get a headache and notice that it seems to come after I have been overworking my brain all day. Is this my body telling me to slow down? Maybe meditate? Pro-longed stress such as posttraumatic stress disorder can alter your brain and therefore (as the theory goes) make it more and more difficult to regulate emotions.
In the book Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society the suggestion that trauma results in a "de-differentiation of affect" or a loss of the ability to identify certain emotions that can help with choosing the appropriate response. The book continues to discuss how some with extreme stress have a difficult time creating "semantic constructs to identify somatic states" and this is related to individuals whom act aggressively toward self and others. In summary, trauma and or extreme stress can lead to "speechless terror" which disrupts the ability to describe feelings with words.
It is interesting 'brain stuff' research like these that continue to prove how necessary art therapy is when working with clients whom suffer from anxiety, depression and/or trauma. The generally non-verbal therapeutic approach is a safe way into both the 'story' and beginnings of emotional regulation. We can change the 'damage' done to our brains due to prolonged stress and/or depression. I say if you can't afford therapy to help you with this, take up a ceramics class, painting class or listen to music everyday :) Creative expression does an overworked brain wonders.
Take care,
Jenny
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
First blog post
Hello! I plan on blogging about everything and anything relating to therapy, life, being a parent, dealing with depression/anxiety, and much much more. Please spread the word and enjoy the reading.
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