I am still a therapist despite personal crisis....oh and I am human :)

I have recently faced one of the biggest stresses of my life.  I am having difficulty balancing my personal crisis and others crisis in therapy.  Now that I work full time with men/women suffering from substance abuse and family issues, I am more drained than usual.  I also, until recently, was seeing clients in private practice.  All of a sudden on Tuesday August 14, 2012  the sky came falling on my family.  I am still not quite sure what is going on, however, what I am certain of is that my unborn baby boy will be born with some disabilities.  It isn't the disabilities that I am so heartbroken about, it is the not knowing if he is OK inside me, if he is suffering, if it is as bad as one of the doctors indicated or if it is not as bad which was a later report.  The not knowing is absolutely driving me into a deep deep sadness. 

The ethical thing for me to do was discontinue seeing clients in private practice.  I wish I could discontinue work for a bit too, however, there is one of me and so many needy clients.  In a way it helps to offer therapy to clients still, despite my personal tragedy.  I do find myself using my art therapy more than ever. The art making process I use during  art therapy sessions helps give me a personal outlet when I am feeling overwhelmed by a client's  history.  I feel that I can handle their stories better when I have had that art outlet to 'center' me prior to the processing.  I believe that I am still offering good help.  I now, more than ever, need to take care of myself when I can.  This pregnancy, toddler at home, work, sick baby inside me thing is taking a toll. 

What has been a big struggle is how to tell others what is going on.  I feel as if I need to tell them it will be OK when in fact, it probably wont be OK for a while.  I spend more time trying to convince them I am OK when I should be crying on a good friends shoulder.  I have noticed a distance from loved ones.  I wish people would just check in, be gutsy, just call and say what happened today?  Or do you know anything yet?  Or how is your HUGE battle with the insurance companies?  Silence.  Silence can be a beautiful thing at times.  Silence can be a destructive thing other times.  I feel as if the silence makes me more frustrated, more anxious, and less willing to truly open up to others.

 I am learning a lot throughout this part in my life.  I will take from this some big lessons, especially when working with clients in the future.  I will always validate, I will always comfort, and I will allow them to just cry without scurrying to 'fix.'  I don't believe I ever was the type of therapist to try and bandage up the wound before it was ready, however, now I truly know why it is important to validate and just listen.